Buddha’s Reluctant Disciple

I am definitely not a Buddhist but I love Buddha! I love that oh so very long ago young man swept by a passion to help all people to endure or possibly drop life’s sufferings.

Raised in absolute luxury with every desire anticipated and fulfilled when confronted with mankind’s sometimes painful reality he stripped off his clothes, starved and denied his body, followed wandering holy men living on a few grains of rice thrown into his begging bowl by passersby. He searched every possible way to alleviate sorrow and struggling. Years of negation ended when he observed a man tuning his stringed instrument…a loosely tied string produced a woeful, wobbly sound but when pulled too tight it screeched as though in pain.

Enlightenment followed and the Middle Way was born. He had stretched himself on the fulcrum of experience only to discover that the fulcrum itself was the answer. The central balanced point between “not enough” and too much” was where peace and freedom lay. Moving beyond self-perpetuating desire into a calm, unchanging mindfulness was his path to Nirvana.

Beautiful, powerful, but not for me! It worked for Siddhartha and millions in the centuries since…but not for me!

It isn’t as though I haven’t tried, I hate ‘not enough’ and ‘too much’ could be scary.  Early on I took my begging bowl and wandered through books and philosophies, organized religions, mystical faiths, and ‘new age ideas’.  I was lucky to find a slightly wicked guru who laughed at me and said, I paraphrase, “look within for answers, be just who you are and think for yourself!”

I pulled that musical string so tight it broke…so I decided to sing! My own song, my own words. ‘Not enough’ became a goad, ‘Too much’ became an explosion of new thoughts and feelings….like the wrong end of the teeter-totter that throws you up and off the fulcrum into a flight into the unknown.

Oh, Buddha, didn’t you see that it was your passion, your struggle, your  willingness to try it all, that brought fulfillment and wisdom?

 I choose to live in ‘too much’ where joy and discovery, excitement and discovery spark and redeem the ‘everyday?” Peace will come and the serene ‘nothingness’ will happen soon enough but until then “Fie, on your balance, your Middle way, and although I may fail many times I will strive to be brave enough, strong enough to search and grab onto every ‘too much” that comes my way!